Hell is other elves

As a younger gamer I strenuously avoided online, multiplayer gaming – not because I was a introverted hobbit, which I was, but because other people almost exclusively cheapen experiences. Do you know what I mean? As an example, one of the first online games I ever played was a shooter – you were on a team, against another team, and you captured bases, or defended them. I played this game in silence, or at least, without the chatter of teammates in my ear or with me able to contribute, for a long time. However, I eventually gave in and purchased a headset, thinking it could possibly enhance the experience; when you’re in a squad that’s working well, you form an image in your mind of other gamers, quiet and competent, who cover their angles and professionally support their team.

Oh, Jesus.

This pale, trollish weirdo sums up how we all look as we scream furiously at strangers in dark basements.

Immediate and relentless exposure to the most infantile sort of insults and screaming at the other team (who could not hear them, of course) convinced me very quickly away. Have you heard Mel Gibson’s latest insane ranting? This was pouring forth into my ear as I tried to enjoy myself, but enjoyment was gone. I packed that earpiece away and went back to my single player games.

 Cut to now: as a mildly well-off adult I can purchase (and do!) any of the games and systems I want. My house is littered with games, that I invariably start excitedly, play lackadaisically, and abandon quickly. I end up back with multiplayer games every time, and still I wonder why. I’ve given in to my earpiece, but restrict its access to my group of friends – though the caliber of conversation hasn’t improved, at least I’m part of the group, instead of listening in disgust to strangers. Though a solitary person, I am irrevocably attracted to massively multiplayer games.

Perhaps despite all of my posturing otherwise I crave the approval of that subset with which I identify. I find I don’t care much what anyone thinks of me in regular life – maybe this is the outlet for my ego that my self requires, to play with peers and be judged fit. Maybe I respond to the pack-rattish collecting that takes place in these games, running through the same dungeon many times to find that one special item.

I’m not sure what it is. But at least it’s not just me.

 

Advertisement